


lean on me when you're not strong (and i'll help you carry on)

by FanaticFangirl2602



Series: chronic pain au [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence, Culture difference, Gen, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Lance and Allura Friendship, One Shot, Slight Language Barrier, Supportive Allura (Voltron), Takes place during S1, Whump, also, author projecting onto lance bc oof, because while he's not injured he def hurting, earth and altea have different sayings and numbers, hurt lance (voltron) technically, lance has chronic pain, we goin' back to the early days fellas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 03:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21349735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanaticFangirl2602/pseuds/FanaticFangirl2602
Summary: “Do you have any painkillers in the castle?” Lance blurts out so suddenly Allura nearly jumps. Her eyes widen and he scrambles to speak before she can say anything, “I tried looking in the medbay, but I can’t read any Altean and I don’t know if Altean painkillers would be safe for humans anyway? So I figured I’d play it safe and ask you, because-”Allura holds up a hand and immediately Lance silences his ramble. She narrows her eyes at him, scanning him from head to toe. “Where are you hurt?”“Where - Where am I what?” Lance stammers, surprised.
Relationships: Allura & Lance (Voltron)
Series: chronic pain au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539082
Comments: 32
Kudos: 241





	lean on me when you're not strong (and i'll help you carry on)

When Lance asks for a moment of the princess’s time, Allura finds it… odd. Something is off. She hasn’t known the Earth boy long, but she can tell he is a flirt, loud, and boisterous. And yet, when he asks her, even with a smile on his face, something feels… lacking. Different.

Nonetheless, she nods of course and excuses herself from her conversation with Coran. Moments later, she is walking down the halls of the castle with the new Paladin by her side. Something is still odd about him, but despite her awareness of it, Allura can’t put her finger on what exactly it is. She chooses not to acknowledge it aloud.

“What is it, Lance?” She asks kindly, turning her head to look at the boy. “Do you need help with something?”

He’s wearing his armor, she notes absently. Good. It’s a habit all the new Paladins should get into, wearing their armor more than their casual wear. They are at war. One always has to be prepared for battle.

Lance rubs the back of his neck. His eyes flick to her, then away. “Uh, yeah, actually.” He looks back at her and quickly adds, “If it’s not too much trouble for you, that is! I know you’re busy.”

_ He’s… He’s nervous, _ Allura realizes, surprised. But why?

She ceases her walk down the hall and Lance stops next to her. She places a hand on the Blue Paladin’s arm and offers a friendly smile, hoping to quell his nerves. “Lance, you and the others, and Coran and myself, we’re all a team now. If we’re to survive this war with the Galra, we must work as a unit, and that means helping each other when another requires it.” She lowers her hand when Lance tentatively smiles back at her. “I’m happy to help any of you. Now, what is it?”

Lance seems to have relaxed during her miniature speech, but when she asks him what he needs, he seems to tense again. Allura hides a frown. What could be troubling him this much? Lance is fairly easygoing, from what she’s seen. Easygoing, goofy, doesn’t always take things seriously… what on Altea is making him this hesitant to speak with her? Is she too intimidating? Harsh? She has been hard on the Paladins, but there’s no time to be soft when they’re so inexperienced and the Galra are a constant threat to millions of lives-

“Do you have any painkillers in the castle?” Lance blurts out so suddenly Allura nearly jumps. Her eyes widen and he scrambles to speak before she can say anything, “I tried looking in the medbay, but I can’t read any Altean and I don’t know if Altean painkillers would be safe for humans anyway? So I figured I’d play it safe and ask you, because-”

Allura holds up a hand and immediately Lance silences his ramble. She narrows her eyes at him, scanning him from head to toe. “Where are you hurt?”

“Where - Where am I what?” Lance stammers, surprised.

“Where are you hurt?” She asks again, tone hardening. She walks around him to check his backside, but sees no sign of injury yet. “Lance, you cannot hide things like this! A healing pod will be required right away-”

“No, I know, I know!” Lance squeaks as she lifts one of his arms to check his side. He squirms under her scrutiny and and dances away, pulling his arm out of her grasp and holding it against his chest like she may try to snatch it again. “I’m not hurt!”

Allura doesn’t bother hiding her suspicion as she watches him and continues visibly scanning him for possible wounds. “Then why in the world are you requesting painkillers?” She demands, eyes narrowed to slits.

When she starts to approach him again, he’s quick to take several steps back and throw his hands up in a weak effort to keep her away. He talks fast. “I’m asking about painkillers because…” His voice trails off right before he says his reason.

This time, Allura does openly frown, torn between worried for her teammate and frustrated he won’t tell her what’s going on already. Just before she’s about to interrogate him, his shoulders slump.

Eyes downcast, he wraps his arms around his torso, hunching in on himself. “I need them because I’m hurting,” he admits, so softly she almost doesn’t catch it.

Her eyebrows furrow. “Hurting how?”

Lance’s lips pull down into a thoughtful frown. “It varies. Sometimes it’s just a faint ache. Sometimes it’s like I’ve been stabbed. Right now, it feels like… like…” She watches as he tries to think of a description for a few moments before sighing heavily. “It hurts. A lot,” he finishes lamely.

He glances over at her. “This is the worst it’s gotten. It’s…” He struggles again to find the right word choice and lets out a frustrated noise when he has trouble.

It’s then that Allura gets it. What was off earlier, and what’s still off now. His muscles are tight. Not the kind of tightness that comes from anticipating an attack, but one when the pain is hard. His pace is slower than normal, like he’s fighting harder to keep pace. His voice carries a tired undertone, like he’s spent nearly all of his energy just walking across the castle to get her.

He’s in pain.

But if not from an injury… then what?

Allura doesn’t ask right then. Instead, she gestures for him to follow her and begins walking towards the medbay. A moment later, she hears Lance’s familiar footsteps following her.

A silence settles between the pair, and Allura spends this time wondering about the source of Lance’s trouble. She saw no sign of physical injury when she inspected him, and he’s confirmed as much. Perhaps a strained muscle? None of the Paladins’ bodies - except perhaps Shiro’s - are used to exerting themselves as much as they have been. Then again, that should not cause the intense pain Lance seems to be referring to. Hard aches? Burning muscles? Yes and yes, but sharp pains that feel as though one has been impaled? That is a bit much.

“Where are you hurting?” Allura asks as they enter the medbay.

“Back,” Lance answers immediately. “It’s spreading out from my back. That’s where it’s worst.”

Allura nods, then walks over to a group of cabinets to their right. “Does it hurt to the touch?”

“No.”

Allura frowns to herself as she shuffles through the contents of the first cabinet. “Does it feel as though the pain is on the surface? Or deeper?”

This time there’s a moment of quiet this time before Lance answers. “Deeper.”

Allura pulls out a bottle and inspects the label. Deep pain in his back, doesn’t hurt to the touch, no sign of injury. She hums quietly and puts the bottle back, deciding it wouldn’t be the safest to use. “Do you think it’s muscle or bone?”

The silence drags out longer this time. After Allura has looked over two more containers, she looks over her shoulder to see what’s taking his answer so long. Lance is standing just inside the room, leaning against the wall next to the door. His face is screwed up in concentration, eyes squeezed shut. After a tick, his face relaxes and his eyes crack open. _ He looks… exhausted, _Allura thinks, her earlier worry resurfacing. She turns her attention back to the cabinets before Lance can spy her watching him, and not a moment too soon.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Lance answers at last, and he sounds tired, frustrated, and... and _defeated._

Allura’s heart aches. She’s always hated seeing people hurting, and she’s starting to realize Lance’s pain is affecting him more than just physically. It’s taking a toll on him, zapping him of all his usual energy. She can tell now he’s also having trouble vocalizing, not merely because he’s nervous, but because the pain is hindering his mind and making it difficult to find the words he needs. Normally the Blue Paladin is quick to voice his thoughts, and despite the often tangents, he communicates them effectively. Seeing it diluted bothers Allura, for it’s a telling sign of just how much pain the human is in.

She selects a smaller canister. “That’s alright,” she says as she studies the label. She closes the cabinet door and turns around to face Lance, holding up the Altean painkiller to show him. “This should help regardless. Now we just need to figure out the dosage.”

Lance’s head tilts slightly as he studies the canister in her hand with tired eyes. “How do we do that?”

“Most likely? Trial and error,” Allura answers honestly. “Human biology is different than Altean. Although we’re similar in some ways, it doesn’t mean we can take the same doses of the same medicine with the same results.”

Lance nods slowly. “I get it. It’s like... how some people take on Benadryl and sleep for the rest of the day, and others can take two or three before they get sleepy.” At Allura’s puzzled expression, he explains, “Benadryl is a kind of medicine on Earth. One of the side effects is drowsiness.”

Allura hums in understanding. “Then I suppose, yes, this is similar to that.”

She puts the canister down on the counter behind her and waves at Lance to come over. Slowly, he does, and Allura sets about finding the measuring tools she needs. “Normally, the average Altean would take this dose,” she tells him as she finds the set of measuring scoops and holds up the appropriate one. “Since we’re starting small, we’ll use this one as our base,” she holds up a scoop a third the size of the previous, “and change it depending on your pain level.”

When Lance nods, Allura opens the metal canister and shows it to him. “This sort of medicine is a powder, and the safest painkiller we have for you to take. Much like your…” She pauses a moment, trying to recall the name of the Earth medicine, “... benny-drill, it can cause drowsiness.”

The Blue Paladin peers down at the silver powder, looking somewhat tempted to poke it. “Any other side affects?”

The princess taps her chin in thought. “Hmm… if I remember correctly, it could also make your nails turn purple or make your body temporarily shrink some.”

Lance jerks away from the powder and stares at her with wide eyes, looking more alert than he did a dobash before. “How the _ heck _does it make you shrink?” He asks, sounding somewhere between terrified and genuinely curious.

Allura lowers her hand and shrugs. “I’m unsure. You’d have to ask Coran.”

“Oh…” Lance rubs the back of his neck and looks back at the shimmering painkiller, shoulders hunching like he was trying to make himself shrink of his own accord. “Okay.”

Allura frowns at his odd behavior, but before she can ask about it, he redirects the conversation and points at her scoops. “So we start with that one,” he wags a finger as the base she’d chosen for him, “and depending on how bad my pain is, we up or lower the dose?”

Allowing the topic change but making a note to come back to it later, Allura nods. “Correct. Now, what’s your pain level?”

Lance crosses his arms, his thin brows furrowing in thought. A tick later, he closes his eyes. Allura doesn’t say anything, simply organizes the scoops and takes out a cup for the painkiller to go in. A few moments pass before Lance opens his eyes again.

“On a scale of one to ten, probably an eight.”

Allura pauses. “One to ten?” She asks, because she’s never heard the phrase before.

“You guys don’t use a one to ten scale?”

“What is a “one to ten”?”

Lance fidgets on his feet. “Uhhh…”

Allura gets the feeling he’s struggling to think of an explanation.

She also gets the feeling he’d be able to much quicker if he weren’t hurting so badly.

“Oh!” Suddenly, Lance snaps his fingers, startling her somewhat. He turns to face her and holds up his lightly fisted hands. “Okay, so, one is a number. On a scale, it means very little of something.” Lance raises a single finger. “Two means just a little more.” A second finger goes up. “Three is a little more than two, four is a little more than three, five is a little more than four…” With each new Earth number, a finger raises until one hand is completely open. “Ten is the most something can be.” He opens his other hand and spreads out its fingers. “Ten is more than nine,” he lowers his thumb, “nine is more than eight,” another goes down, “eight is more than seven, seven is more than six, and six is more than five.”

Allura brightens and smiles widely. “I think I understand! So, if we were rating Hunk’s cooking, it’d be a ten,” she holds up her own hands, all fingers raised. “Whereas if we rated your cooking, it’d be a four!” She lowers her fingers until she thinks only four are raised. At Lance’s small smile, she knows she has it right.

“Exactly,” he chuckles, lowering his hands. “And Keith would be a one.”

Allura rolls her eyes, but still smiles. “Only because all he does is put food goo on plates.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?”

Allura laughs quietly. “Fair enough,” she concedes, hoping her smile is still believable. Under normal circumstances, Allura is sure Lance would have been offended, if dramatically, when he heard his cooking was a four on the Earth number scale. He would have made a thing out of it, and fought much more passionately that his rival was a worse cook than he. The fact he didn’t confirms yet again the Paladin truly isn’t feeling well.

She turns back to her scoops. “So, you said your pain is…?” She prompts, studying the measuring tools before her. She puts aside the Altean dose and larger scoops, leaving Lance’s base and four other scoops, two smaller and two larger.

“Eight,” Lance answers, leaning his hip against the side of the counter. “Eight out of ten.”

Allura pauses her sorting. Ten is the most pain he could be in… She glances down at her fingers and mentally tries to remember the Earth numbers.

“Eight… Eight is only two away from ten,” she murmurs. She looks up at Lance, who nods in confirmation.

“You remember new things a lot better than I do,” he tries to joke, but she can see the strain behind his smile.

“Lance,” she chastises, her concern finally leaking into her voice, “that’s high. How long has it been like this?”

Lance sighs, and Allura watches him deflate before her eyes as he drops the fake smile. “It was a seven when I got you,” he tells her tiredly, looking around the med bay. Avoiding looking at her. “It’s been rising all day. Normally it’s a five - enough to be noticable and hurt, but not enough to… to _ hurt_, you know? I don’t know what aggravated it.”

Allura’s blood freezes.

“Lance…” She pauses, unsure how to approach this, but knowing it cannot be left alone. She swallows before she steps away from the counter and moves in front of him. “Lance,” she begins again, “how… how long have you been hurting?”

He’s still not looking at her.

_ “Lance.” _

Her voice is more insistent now, has more of the harder edge it picks up when she gives an order. Because this is _ urgent. _ Not only is Lance in terribly high amounts of pain right now, but he’s _ been _hurting for a considerable amount of time. Allura is sure Lance didn’t mean to let that particular piece of information slip, if the way he’s avoiding her gaze is an indicator.

She wants an answer. She wants to _ help. _But she can’t if Lance doesn’t open up to her.

Taking a breath, the princess slowly reaches up, her hand hesitating but a moment before lightly resting on the blue paladin’s shoulder. It gets Lance to look at her, surprise flashing through his eyes. Now that she’s closer, she can spy the smalls bags under them and her concern deepens.

“Lance… please. I want to help you.” She voice is nearly a whisper with how soft she’s speaking. It’s quiet and sincere. Her worry and concern are all out in the open now, gently covering every syllable she speaks and decorating her face with pleading eyes and downturned lips.

She doesn’t say anything more. Instead, she waits. If Lance doesn’t answer her now, Allura doubts there is much else she can do to make him. And the princess can’t force it out of him, no matter how much she wishes to. No. This is something he needs to tell her himself, of his own will and judgement.

So all she can do is wait. And she does.

For a long time, silence reigns. The air between them is tense, but Allura doesn’t back away. She looks him in the eyes, patient and sure, and keeps her hand resting on his shoulder. If Lance decides not to tell her, she will at least let him know she’s here for him.

Just when she’s beginning to think he won’t tell her, Lance breathes out a quiet breath. His voice comes out soft and quiet, so much so she nearly strains to hear him. “It started a few days, quintants, after I got out of the pod for the first time, I think.”

The normally energetic paladin sounds… tired. The kind of tired that runs bone deep and drags you down with every step. It’s so out of place with Lance, Allura takes longer to process what he says than she should’ve. But when she does, her jeweled eyes go wide and she inhales sharply.

“The bomb.”

Lance nods. 

_ That’s why he doesn’t want to ask Coran. _

His eyes become downcast and lose focus, and Allura can practically see him thinking back in time. “I can’t be sure that’s when… I may not have noticed it at first because it was so low.” His thin brows furrow, just slightly, and he frowns. “It… it wasn’t bad. I mean, it’d spike, but that was usually after a battle and I’d gained some injury or other. I thought it was related to those at first. Except I’d ache after I’d healed, and the others seemed fine.” He hesitates, then offers her a shy, sheepish smile as his eyes refocus on her. “I thought it was in my head for a bit.”

Sadness wraps around Allura’s heart. How long had he questioned whether or not his own suffering was real? How long had he powered through, convinced it was fake?

“Oh, Lance…” She breathes.

Lance shrugs a little and looks away, appearing uncomfortable. She removes her hand to give him some space, but remains close. “Y-Yeah…” He clears his throat and continues. “Anyways, it normally hangs out in the smaller numbers. This is the worst it’s gotten and I don’t know what’s made it so… yeah. I don’t even know why I have it in the first place.” A flash of frustration passes over his features at the last sentence.

Allura frowns thoughtfully, pensive. She isn’t sure either. The pod had healed all damage the bomb blast had caused. Perhaps it is because of his human biology? But that can’t be right either. The other Paladins haven’t shown any signs of the chronic like pain Lance is talking about, and Allura knows one of them at least would have spoken up about it.

“Then we’ll find out together,” she decides.

Lance’s head whips around to face her, eyes wide with surprise. “P-Princess, no - I - I mean, we all already have so much to do, you especially-”

She raises a hand and his rambling stops. “Lance,” she says calmly, a small smile pulling at her lips. “I believe I’ve already stated I want to help, yes? That remains true. I do, and will continue to want to help you.” Her smile takes on a sadder tinge. “You do not deserve to be in pain, no matter how little you believe it to be.”

Lance blinks owlishly before averting his eyes downwards. “I…” His voice sounds suspiciously tight. Allura doesn’t comment on it and allows him a moment to recompose himself. When he looks up a few moments later, he locks eyes with her and Allura nearly freezes from the intensity of them.

His eyes gleam with unshed tears, but more than that, they’re full of gratefulness. Trust.

Hope.

Allura likes it much better than the exhausted, drained acceptance they’d had before.

“Thank you, Allura,” Lance whispers.

Allura smiles and gently takes one of his hands in hers. “No thanks is needed,” she assures with a gentle squeeze.

For the first time since he’d approached her, a genuine smile crosses Lance’s face.

Together, they turn back towards the counter. Allura claps her hands together and looks down at the measuring scoops.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is lowkey a vent fic cuz I started it when I was in a flare up. Then my pain died down and I lost insp. Now here we are, months later, and I've finally finished. WHOO HOO! If I get another flare up or people like this, there maaay be more installments for this universe? We shall see. If you have any thoughts about that, leave em down below or come yell at me on [tumblr!](https://smalltreenergy.tumblr.com/)


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